We all have beliefs. Our beliefs help us navigate our lives.
We have beliefs about everything we do.
We also have beliefs about others and what they do.
Then there are subconscious beliefs.
Things we don’t always realize are influencing our actions.
All of our beliefs make us who we are.
I know in my life that if I believe I can do something, I do it. It may take some researching, experimenting and failing. But my belief keeps me going.
I didn’t have much direction in my life, so I had to figure stuff out on my own. It started when I went to college. I knew I was expected to go to college I just had no idea what I wanted to major in. I remember my confusion. I went to college thinking I would be a business major. That seemed vague enough. It could lead me in many directions.
I love school and learning but the business classes didn’t stimulate me. I was just about to quit school when a friend gave me a new direction. Those classes were wonderful and led me to my first career in film production. I had found my thing.
I graduated and found my way to freelancing on commercials, movies and TV shows.
I was a script supervisor. It is a support position. I was in the inner circle on sets. I was organized and very focused. There were many times on set I would hold the director’s hand to get the scene shot. At those times people would tell me I should be the director. I would politely say thank you. I didn’t really take those comments seriously.
Why?
This is where my beliefs came in. I knew I was good at my job and I knew I could help directors get the work done. I thought about directing. I even looked into classes in LA for director training. But deep down I didn’t believe I could do it. I didn’t believe I could be the director.
It is interesting that our brains find the evidence to support our thoughts.
I looked around at directors and decide I didn’t want it badly enough to sacrifice my life to make it happen. At the time I was newly married to my second husband and I wanted my marriage to work.
Looking at it now I realize there was more to it. It was about my beliefs.
I didn’t believe in myself. And I didn’t have a support team to help me believe. I didn’t do anything to help myself, like hiring a coach to get me there. I just quit. I ran for the hills of Lake Tahoe.
My life completely changed. I don’t regret it. It has been an interesting life.
I buried the thought of being a director. Even when I went back to film production I kept that idea of directing buried. I watched other script supervisors move up to directing. The thought would come in my head and I would say my pat line “I don’t want it badly enough”
Over all that is true. But the thing that was keeping me from even pursuing it was my belief.
I decided this thought was the only answer. I wasn’t curious. I didn’t dig deeper.
Curious questions:
- Why didn’t I think I could do it?
- What did I think I had to tradeoff to be a director?
- What would I have gained if I became a director?
- How would I feel if I were a director?
I may have decided the same thing
but it would have been
a conscious decision.
Not a decision made from
a limiting belief.
I want to be conscious of the decisions I make going forward. I want to know why I am choosing what I choose. So, I start by asking why? And go from there.