We learn about life and ourselves through our experiences.
In childhood we have little control over those experiences but they are where we learn our values.
Many of my biggest lessons have come from my childhood experiences.
Our life is formed by our experiences.
As a kid, I took things at face value. Who wouldn’t? I didn’t have the emotional intelligence to know that the things my mother was saying were really about her. It was her fears and pain coming out. We learn how to deal with life from our experiences as a child. My mother is no different. She learned from her childhood experiences how she was to treat us.
She never looked at her life or her childhood for lessons.
She didn’t try to be better. She didn’t gain from the pain of her childhood. She just took it as the way to do things. And that passed on an unexamined way of living.
I didn’t want that.
My parents got a divorce when I was in high school. It was a huge factor in my personal growth. It effected my thoughts about love, life and who I am as a person.
We each have roles in our families. Mine was the fixer. I took care of everything.
After my parents’ divorce, the money I was making as a waitress went right to supporting the family. I had school, three younger siblings, a waitress job and a mother that came home once a week to check in. I became the “mother” when she wasn’t there. This role was not by choice, it was survival.
I continued to live in survival mode for many years. I had no other point of view. My mind looked at things only one way. The way was raised.
It wasn’t until after my second marriage was falling apart, that I started to see things differently. I was unhappy. The marriage wasn’t working. My thought was that I needed to make it work otherwise I was a two-time loser. It didn’t work. My second marriage broke up.
Now I knew I had some work to do. I needed to figure out why I was having issues with relationships?
I looked to my past relationships with friends, family and men to find lessons I had missed. It took time. There were many tears. But I was determined to have better relationships.
I started to become conscious.
Now when an upsetting thing happens, I look at it differently.
- Why is this happening?
- What is my part?
- How did I create this?
- Why did I create it?
- What do I really want?
This practice has changed my life.
I know now that there are many different ways to see things.
I realized most of the things my Mother said about me were her projections, things she saw in herself, things she heard as a kid. They weren’t about me. This was definitely mind blowing.
My life changed. I became a better friend, partner and community member.
I started by loving myself. By seeing that I am human. I make mistakes. I get hurt. I hurt others. Now I reflect on the different situations and ask myself many questions. I work to be conscious on a daily basis.
I know what I want in my life and I know I have control of creating it.
And what I am creating is amazing!
What about you?
Are you gaining knowledge from your pain?
Are you living consciously?
Are you creating the life you want?