Having your own back is a concept that sounds so easy but it has been one of the hardest things for me to master. A lot has to do with my childhood. My mother is a narcissist. It was always about her and her needs.
I had to learn the difference of being selfish and taking care of myself.
Being kind to myself has been a challenge.
I remember when I was going through a rough period-my second divorce. I was at one of the lowest self-esteem times of my life. I felt horrible. I felt worthless. I felt unlovable.
I was talking to a friend and I was relating a story and said “I am so stupid”. She stopped me. She said “Don’t talk to my friend that way”. That was such a life changing moment. I never thought about how I was talking to myself. How I was treating myself. After that I worked hard to not call myself names and it worked pretty well.
Opening my coaching business changed that a bit. It was a completely new experience for me. There were many unknowns at the beginning. There was so much to learn. I worked daily to understand my thoughts and feelings.
Our brains are interesting. They want to keep us the same. It is the only way they feel safe. And safety is the brain’s goal. The brain is very tricky. When I think I understand something, my brain decides to challenge me. As a human there are times I feel overwhelmed by the challenge. In those times it is easy to go back to old patterns.
I automatically go to not being kind to myself and beating myself up with shoulda, coulda, wouldas.
Starting something new is a change and my brain is trying to protect me once again. If I am scared and feeling inadequate I might just give up.
That is not what I want. I want to coach people and help them get through their times of self-doubt and continue on their new path.
It is all about getting past our fears and the thoughts that keep us stuck.
It is hard to see the patterns in ourselves. It was my coach that pointed it out to me. She asked how I wanted to feel in my life. And then we talked about having my back.
It is all starts with awareness.
I needed to pay attention to how I was talking to myself, how I was treating myself and how I wanted to be treated.
Having my coach help me see what I was doing was key. We get used to the way things are even if they are not good.
We are on a journey in life. We set goals but that is not where we live. We live in the journey to reaching those goals. Each day is our life. Each day we have a chance to decide how we want to feel and act.
I don’t want to feel inadequate. I want to find the good in myself. I want to feel good every day that I can.
Having my back is just that. It is another step to loving myself. I want to be aware on my journey. I am not perfect and I make plenty of mistakes.
The first step to having my back was being curious.
I realize I am human and there will be mistakes. But instead of beating myself up, I come at it from curiosity and compassion. This makes it easier for me to learn more and move forward faster.
Having your own back is key to living a great life.
This is part of the new perspectives I give my clients.
Being kind to myself instead of beating myself up, gave me a new life.
It is a practice. And it is a practice I am willing to master. Because I want to feel good, happy and loved every day of my life.
How about you? Need help finding your patterns?
I am here. Send me a message to get on a free consult call so we can get you started on your next path.