As I age I look to older people for advice. One thing I have seen on social media is deathbed regrets lists. One thing that stands out from those lists is that most people wish they had not wasted time on anger. They wish they spent more time loving themselves and others.
Another stand out is about relationships. People on numerous list have said they wished they had let go of the bad relationships quicker. They held on because that is what they knew and the unknown was scarier. Once they let go and lived their new life, they realized they had wasted that time holding on to something that wasn’t working.
At the beginning of my divorce I was hopeful that we were working to heal the relationship and get back together. I spent my time trying to fix the relationship trying to hold on. Usually when someone mentions divorce or wants a separation they have reached their limit. They have tried things to fix the relationship and they are now at the end of their rope.
They are finished trying, finished hurting and finished with the other person.
Even if the other person doesn’t realize it. Which makes sense. If one of the people in the couple is finished and the other is surprised they haven’t been communicating or listening to what is really going on in the relationship. I knew my relationship was troubled but I kept treading water trying to not make waves, my plan was to ride it out. My spouse was finished, I was distraught. The relationship was over.
Once I accepted that the relationship was finished, I could take time to work on myself. It was hard at times, it was emotional and it took conscious effort. In the end, I came out of the divorce in a better place. Today, years after the end of that relationship, I am the happiest I have ever been.