Letting go

When I used to get upset about something, I tended to hold on to the anger. I could get mad just thinking about the story. I got upset hours longer than the incident even took. I could spin out for days, sometimes weeks.

 

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What was this about?

As I looked at the energy in my life, I noticed the stories I had about upsetting incidents were wasting a huge amount of my time. I saw how I recreated the feelings I had about the event with the stories I told. I could become emotional and impassioned. I started to see how the stories were creating a lot of negative energy in my life.  It wasn’t just a story, it was a recreation of the emotions I had at the time. Sometimes the emotions I felt from the story I was telling were even stronger then at the time of the incident.  I could HOT TALK my way to escalated emotions in no time. That was a lot of wasted energy and time. I realized I had stuff to figure out.

Why was I doing this?
Where was this getting me?
How was this affecting my life?

Answering the questions helped me be aware of the pattern. I didn’t like what I saw. This pattern was ingrained because it had been part of my life for many years.  It wasn’t easy to get rid of. But my happiness was important to me.

I knew I needed to change this habit.

The first step to changing a habit is to recognize that you are doing it. I spent time observing the frequency of this HOT TALK.

Once I had awareness, I knew I could stop it. I would catch myself retelling a story about an upsetting event and I started to recognize the energy I was creating. I stopped telling the negative stories. It became easier with practice.

The next thing I decided to do was to reframe the story. If I was upset about an incident, instead of coming up with a story to validate my view, I stopped. And I thought about the other person’s perspective instead of just mine. This increased my compassion about the situation and the other person. Instead of a negative perspective, I chose to see it a different way. I learned a lot coming up with different versions.

I learned to change the story and to let the anger go.

The result of seeing other perspectives was calming. I no longer was spinning out in anger. I was enjoying the creativity of coming up with other views.  Instead of anger I was finding humor in the situations. I was finding insight into my views. And I was open to other ways of thinking. The anger was no longer serving me. It wasn’t making me happy. Instead it was holding me back from the life I wanted.

Remember, we have control of our thoughts. We get to decide what we think.

How are your stories serving you?