Our stories are what define our lives. We decide the stories we tell.
The question is: Are these the stories we want defining us?
Stories are subjective. We all see things differently because of our experiences and backgrounds.
Think about that game, telephone, we played as kids. The story started at one part of the circle and was whispered in ears around the circle. Each time the story went from one person to the next, it changed. No one can remember every word, so each time the story came from what that person heard the other say. In the end the story was always different than where it began.
Now think about a story you have from your life-from childhood or even from last week.
What are other versions of that story?
Come up with three versions.
- Version 1 the story you remember and have been telling people.
- Version 2 should be different. Make it from another person’s point of view. Just imagine how they would see the story.
- Version 3 find the opposite of the first story. If you are powerful in the first version, write out the victim version. Or maybe it is anger in the first version, make this one happy.
This gives you an idea of how easy it is to change your views. The story just corroborates what you believe.
Changing what you believe, changes the story.
When I was in counseling and working on my past, my counselor gave me a different way of looking at my mother. I started to change my views about her.
Originally, I gave her so much power. I couldn’t understand how she could say the things she said to me. I assumed she was right in what she was saying. Even though what she said didn’t really feel like me. I thought I was not seeing things as they were. She was the adult I assumed she knew best.
In counseling, I uncovered more about her and her personality. I got curious about where she got her stories. And how different they were from mine.
A lot of her perspective came from her upbringing just like all of us. Instead of looking at her as ‘the big bad witch,’ I changed my view of her to ‘a scared child’ just trying to survive. Her childhood is where she got her views about life and where she got her way of looking at things.
My stories came from my childhood and how I saw things. Once I started to look at her differently, I started to uncover her projections. I realized her stories weren’t really about me.
It turned out she was a fat kid. That was something she felt her whole life. She brought that into our life too.
Weight, dieting and loving myself were big issues for me. I had some lessons to learn as an adult. I had to change my story. I had to realize the thoughts she had, were not about me. They were her stories.
She was like an anorexic person. Anorexics keep dieting because they only see themselves as fat. They can’t see what is really true. In their minds they will always be fat.
If everything is about our thoughts we can make changes.
This doesn’t mean it is easy but it is doable. Start when you tell your next story.
- Why are you telling the story that way?
- What is the story saying about you?
- Is there another point of view?
- Is there a better lesson from the story?
I have many stories from my life. When they come up now I think about them. What is this story saying about me? Why am I telling this story?
Changing your stories is a lifelong process.
A new point of view can change your life.
I am here to help you get started changing those stories. I believe you can do it.
It all starts with a consult call. Sign up and let’s get you started on your next path.